Emotions

We are empathetic beings. It's supposedly what separates us from the animals (or so some believe). Joy, Sorrow, Fear, Anger.... I'm sure we've all experienced them at some point in time. To be happy for having gotten something as a present, to feel sad that you were left alone at home while everyone else went on holiday, to be scared of the dark and of all that lurk in the blackness, and to be supremely pissed at your friend for being late for lunch XD

Yes, we have emotions and people have their own degree of showing these emotions as well as having more emphasis on one than the others. Happy go luckies are generally.... well.... happy and content with life moving on without much worry, Goths i guess can be related to Sadness and grief which is often related to death and loss... there are others who display certain emotions most of the time other than the two mention.

I've had my share of grief and loss and have felt the pain, the suffering and the sorrow that comes with it. In these moments i think to myself. These emotions are far too much to handle and I think about what it would be like not to have a certain emotion or not have emotions at all. Think of it? If you never knew what happiness was, how could you feel sad? The pain would never come and you would never need to suffer.

No happiness.... just nothingness.... can you imagine? But there's a quote for this issue and i quote "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I guess i get the meaning. I wouldn't give anything to know what it is to be happy and have those wonderful memories to keep for the times that are simply saddening. I think life would be utterly boring without emotion really as we'd all be.... THE SAME. Monotonous creatures with lifeless characters. Emotion is what makes us who we are regardless of race, religion and our culture. It's what makes us interesting, unique, attractive even.

Life's a big empty wall, and i plan on putting graffiti all over with emotions ;) Fill in yours too!

Random Cosplay At Dei's

Well today was urm.... interesting XD we had a random cosplay at Deidara's home in Kelana Jaya. Not everything turned out as planned but the event turned out moderately well and the lot of us had a couple of good laughs and bonded a lil.

I woke up at 8 and took a shower... cold... but it made me feel fresh. Had Ken dry my hair and style it up. It looked most natural compared to the other events he helped me with. No make up this time because Reg wasn't free and it's not a competition anyways. Went to KJ station to pick up 9Gems at 11.30 sharp. What do you know? The LRT breaks down *curses Malaysian Public Transport* i wait half an hour and she shows up with a cake *it was pretty good btw*. We 'attempt' to get to Dei's house... in our attempt, we made several and when i mean several i mean dozens of left turns and more U turns to find the correct junction. We get lost for about half an hour >_< but manage to reach Dei's eventually.

Picking up Space Chan was another endeavor... Paramount station is closer to Dei's house they say... yeah right... it may be closer but its a heck more complicated to get there compared to Taman Bahagia GUYS!!! Me and Gems get lost for another 15 mins or so looking for the place before finally reaching the station and immediately heading over to Cine-leisure to guide Foxey. Unbelievable day... it's the same with Foxey. Two things, HORRIBLE TRAFFIC, and Loads of wrong turns because of it >_< my luck just isn't good today.

Finally, after all that hassle I get to chill at Dei's and grab a drink while the rest meet and greet each other while a few played drum master on the psp (was it drum master?). Lunch was later served after a tonne of pics were taken in the living room *Yaoi and Non-Yaoi ones XD fan service @_@* Spaghetti with meat ball sauce ... Mmmm.... Delish!!! Dei's com was in the lounge area next to the garden so we were treated to a slideshow of pics from Anime Cons he's been to in the past. Simply amazing stuff... There's loads of Talented Cosplayers out there with awesome and wicked costumes.

After lunch... It was picture time again... Honestly, the things i do for fans *and girls* My face was so close to Msk's today and I didn't even know his name till after the shoot XD sorry man... we just weren't properly introduced. The girls took part too ^^ it was... an interesting sight... *tingles with glee and nose starts to bleed* The evening was ended with me and jacky playing simon says or since there were "superiors" there.... Gemz and Dei say XD.

We ended up doing stuff like, re-enacting the Titanic scene to dancing like michael jackson... Honestly jacky, if i ever did have man boobs... you found em today >_< gawd... The last bit involved some dancing and sudden freezing. Gemz then put me and jacky in weird ass poses for the audience to snap pics of us... you gals owe us big time ya hear!? Haha but it was fun la so i can't complain too much. We ended the day with the uncorking of the sparkling juice we had in stock. Jacky's attempt at being a man was an EPIC FAILZ coz he needed Rayray's help =P maybe you'll have better luck next time Jacky ;) i'm sure Hikaru still accepts you XD
We took some of Hikaru's and Jacky's chocs and said our farewells and went home.
That was pretty much it... Except... Hoshiko got super high from watching all of the live action Yaoi that took place and decided to post the lot of pics she took on9 for people to see... She's in big ass trouble. Lets hope she takes em down before they cause too much damage... For Wani's and Rayray's sakes.

Moments of despair...

There comes a time in all of us seemingly happy go lucky types when we simply can't help but break down due to the pressures in life, a time when all the pain, and all the fury and all the sorrow breaks free from the cage we locked them away in...

Why do we suppress and not pour our feelings you ask? Why not share and be free? Free from the chains that you yourself bring along with you? Well its because... We are the happy go lucky's (or the seeming ones to say the least). We're the one's who lighten the mood when it seems it's dullest, the one's who jump and shout for you and make you laugh and smile and feel that joy that comes with life. We don't care if we're loud or obnoxious or that people hate us coz we're annoying. We are who we are and i'm here to share with you the other side of us that people rarely see... and most times... don't want to see.

We have the ability to cry and weep and frown and be generally sad... same as the rest of you lot. We may put up a good "show" up front in public but if we're having a bad day... it's the corner of the room on the floor for us (literally speaking). Coz most people can't and won't understand what we go through. I used to curl up in bed in tears... it got so bad to one point I was no longer myself... At school... I wasn't happy anymore... i avoided my friends coz i thought i didn't deserve their friendship coz i wasn't their "happy" guy anymore...
Rest assured i changed back to my lil sprite self with a lil help from them. 11years of friendship goes a long way.

Losing a family member, a lover, a friend, or losing your way in life can affect you drastically. Perhaps more than you thought it would. Try having all that was mentioned happen one after the other and you'll know what i mean... the tears will flow and the heart becomes a heavy burden to carry. So the next time that happy go lucky friend of you gives a frown, know that they're going through a tough time. We're not as strong as you think...

Animax Youth Festival 08 Day 2

The past weekend brought about more of the cosplayer out of me.... or more of the Reno out of me if you prefer. Went over to Kenneth's house on friday so that he'd be able to style my hair for the event and for Reg to apply make up (THANKS A LOT GUYS!!!). The event lasted 3 days. Friday, Saturday as well as Sunday. I only went on the last two days though. Saturday was kind of a slow day... there was little to do aside from play the PS3 games available to try (rock band, MGS4, GT5 prologue and some monster game). The venue wasn't very suitable as the stalls and booths were separated by some car display.... i think a lot of people must've missed the other side coz if it wasn't for my friends, i wouldn't have known about it. Since the cosplay competition was the next day, it was obvious not a lot of people were present (cosplayers and the crowd alike). So we decided to walk around for a bit and stopped for lunch at Mc D's. Got to chat with the gang to socialize and have a few good laughs (nice to meet people who are noisy and loud for a change!).

After more aimless walking, we decided to go to Toys R Us where we met up with Mitts. (we got lost on the way and i know she wasn't pleased by how she greeted me XD but i think she's gotten over it. OU is one big maze to me... I prefer sunway lols!) Explored inside and i didn't spend 5mins walking in the store before i was slashed by one of em with swords >___< some of em got some rare mini figurines from the slot machine and Dei got himself a magic 8 ball XD which we all shook when asking questions. The girls couldn't stop drawing pics of me on the erasable sketch bored that they found. Nice artwork though, wish i was artistic too... and as usual, the guys all ogled the guns available for purchase (i was eying the shot gun, might get it for my shot gun guy cosplay). Unexpectedly, Ice Cream graced us with her presence =D she was hot though when she came... no i mean literally XD she was fanning herself because of the heat. Guess being all cute in a lolita outfit has it's downsides too huh? We moved on to MPH where we all sat down in an empty aisle to give some well deserved rest to our feet (mine were aching) we chatted some more about most things anime which included the disrespect some people showed at the previous bon odori...

To top everything off and call it a day, we eventually managed to regroup back stage for a photoshoot. It was fun and i know the photographers must've had a good laugh taking supposedly sexy poses i made XD honestly, the things i do for fan service. That attracted some onlookers who decided to stop for a few mins to snap some pics themselves. After much photo snapping and a lot of smiling and giggling... we all said our good byes and went on our merry way.

More on Day3!!!

Dreams....

Now... i know i we've all had at least ONE DREAM in our lives (for those of you who haven't... i pity you for the lack of imagination in your empty heads XD). I've had some great dreams in my life, and not just the X-rated ones either *wink wink*. There was once i dreamt i could FLY (crazy i know) but the sensation of flying was ultimately pleasant. My body was weightless, i'd glide in the sky and touch the clouds... everything was nice and peaceful. Of course... not all dreams are as good. You've also got your bad dreams too. More commonly refered to as nightmares... i've had a few of those too...


One of them was very dark. It was one of those 3rd person dreams. I was watching myself swim. It was in my back yard pool. As far as i was concerned, i was alone as i usually am when i'm swimming there. Now as i'm swimming, i suddenly realize there's this black matter materializing inside the pool eventually all the water turns pitch black in a matter of seconds and before i can do anything about it.... it starts pulling me down.... i yell, i shout, i hollar and i fight to break free but the more i struggle the faster i sink. No one came.... up to the point where i was neck deep in the stuff, i see my 'friend' standing there (she's not a 'friend' anymore). I call out to her but all she does is look at me with a cold stare as the black matter swallowed me up whole.... that was it. I woke up right after. Guess it was a sign that things weren't gonna work out huh?




There's another bad dream i had during my first week of driving after finally getting that P every teen desires. It was early in the morning (an hour before college starts). I usually take a quick nap upon parking in my usual spot nearest to main campus. I fall asleep as usual. Next thing i know... i wake up inside my car somewhere else! All i could think of was that i was late and that i needed to get back to college. I drive around and around and around and got lost. I finally decide to park on the side of a hill and get out coz i gave up. Upon parking, i pulled my hand brake and let go of the foot brakes. It didn't engage!!! My car pushed the car parked behind me down the road and it went off the curb and crashed while i continued to go down that hill road BACKWARDS!!!!!!!! I try to regain control and instead.... i end up turning my car into tumble weed and it starts to roll like a coca cola can down the rest of the mountain. It isn't till the fatal CRASH where the front mirror breaks that i become conscious again. I had a cold sweat, my nerves were shot and my hands were shaking. I went to find my friends who understood and helped calm me down.




They say that dreams are messages from you subconscious trying to tell you something. You'll notice that you tend to forget dreams too coz the part of your brain in charge of memory isn't fully functioning during dreams (you're supposed to be asleep after all) so write down your dreams on paper or even save em as drafts in your mobile phone. You may wanna know whats going on in that subconscious of yours. Especially if it has something to do with someone you care for ;)

Friends....

I've met many interesting people in my life. Most people i meet, will know that i'm the loud guy who can't seem to stop talking (annoying? yes!) but i'm still accepted by the lot (you know who you are guys!) so I thank you for offering your friendship to me ;) i appreciate it.

My oldest friends happen to be the one's I've left behind in KL. (Shaun, Rio, Edmond, Cheng....) We've been acquainted ever since we were 6/7.... standard one.... sigh... it sometimes feels like it was yesterday that we were all short young chaps talking more about how rare our pokemon cards were instead of discussing about the girls in our class. Hahaha we should've done as we didn't have many moments to do so in high school (boys school >.<) sometimes i wonder if things'd be different if we all went co-ed (more exes perhaps?). Still.... at least i appreciate my relationships right? So it couldn't have been all that bad? (aside from the but slapping, thigh sitting and low blows received over the years)

Now we've all chosen our paths.... its happening so quick.... one day we're busy screaming over who's beating who at playing the PS2 and the next.... we've all gone pretty much radio silence. I miss those moments.... I don't have em with my current friends (and then there's the times they just don't have that understanding we have). Guess it comes over time. We have been friends for like...13 years? Wow...

Still, new friends at college are cool too. Some are really supah nice! Lets see... Christy, Dominic, Justin, Eugene, Derrick, Carmen, Emily, Lynn, Sue Sue! Arvind... and the list goes on. I don't see half of the people i've listed now either but still... i miss them a lot. Just wanted to tell you guys and gals that I accept ya for who you are and you've made an impact on my life ;) Keep it real guys! See ya around!